“I don’t know Doctor, I used to be so, well, just so darned popular. Everyone loved me, especially people who were maybe a bit older. Seniors? They just loved me, and it seemed like they just couldn’t get enough of me – my tops, my bottoms, and most especially my matching tops and bottoms. They used to pinch me and say that they liked how I never showed my wrinkles – it always made me feel so … so youthful, and well, so sexy. I don’t like to use that word with you, Doctor, but that’s kind of how I felt back then.
“Even men, you know? Even they thought I was something, something really special. They just couldn’t get enough of me in a Safari suit. And now, well, Doc, now I just feel lost. Well, maybe not so much lost, as ignored. Being ignored? It’s worse than being rejected, at least in some ways it is.
“Oh sure, I can be a closet queen as well as the next gal, but it’s hard when you remember all the good times – the parties, and the bridge clubs, and the bus trips. I think it was the bus trips I liked the best. Everyone all decked out, and in such high spirits. Not a wrinkle in the crowd, and everything just so darned durable! I shouldn’t brag, but I really was indestructible! I had no worries about my beauty fading, or about getting all stretched out. I knew no matter what, I wouldn’t shrink - you know, I lived in a perfect worry-free sort of world.
“I just don’t understand how I could be so great back then, and how I could be so, oh, I dunno, hated now? Is that the word I want, Doctor? Hated? Could I really be hated because of all my great characteristics? Or maybe the word I want is ‘scorned’. My sister, Gabardeenia, used to tell me, ‘Polly, just ignore it! They’re just jealous, so don’t pay them no mind! Who else but you could go in and out of a suitcase and be none the worse for wear? You just gotta forget what they say! Your time will come back again, you’ll see.’
“Do you think that will happen, Doctor? Do you think my time will come back again? I have to think that’s going to happen, that I’ll be popular again, and be seen in all the stores, and at all the best parties. I can’t see how that won’t happen. I feel pretty sure about it. Anyway, if you could just refill my pills, Doctor, that should get me through this slump. The Prozac seems to be helping, I’m not crying so much these days. It’s a good thing I don’t stain easily, Doctor, it’s a good thing. And at my age, I haven’t got even one single solitary wrinkle, so I think if I just stick with the Prozac, I’ll make it through. And Doctor, just in case, could you put about 20 repeats on that prescription? Just in case, you know, just in case…”
Friday, December 19, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The Invention of Snow
“It’s too much, it’s all just too much!”
“What’s that? What’s too much?”
“Green – all that green – everything that isn’t blue is green. I think we could do better, Gabe.”
“Better? I’m not sure that I follow, Boss…”
“We need some kind of contrast – you know – add something else, something that will make the green special instead of just plain tedious.”
“I know – we could add snow!”
“Snow? What’s that?”
“It’s what you get when you freeze water.”
“Isn’t ice what you get when you freeze water?”
“Oh – that’s water on the ground, I’m taking about water in the sky.”
“I don’t remember putting any water in the sky, Gabe. Are you sure about this?”
“Pretty sure Boss – there’s little bits of water all over the sky, especially in those cloud things. I think we can make that water cold, and it will turn into flat particles – we can call them snowflakes.”
“Snowflakes. I like that. They won’t be blue will they?”
“No not green, we just decided we were sick of blue. What about yellow, Boss? We could make them yellow!”
“Nah, too dangerous Gabe. People might confuse it with other stuff. White! I think we should make them white!”
“Sounds nice."
"So we make this white snow stuff up here in the sky, and then what?”
“It falls down to earth. If we turn down the temperature, we can get the snow to pile up in a big thick blanket, and it will just stay there. We can do this during the winter, and then people will be able to tell when it’s winter, and when it’s summer. What do you think, Boss?”
“That’s brilliant Gabe! A winter and a summer – and both of them different – one white and the other green. I like it, I really like it! Will the snow have a nice smell to it?”
“That might be tricky, so I say, we forget about the smell. Maybe we could give it a sound instead.”
“You mean, like music or noise when it’s falling? Wouldn’t that get rather loud?”
“Yeah, you’re right – if each snowflake made a sound it could get out of hand. I know! What if it makes a scrunching sound when you walk on it on the ground? That would be cool!”
“Sort of, but that could get really loud if you had a crowd of people. You know how they are – always congregating in unholy throngs.”
“Okay, well, what about this - it only makes the scrunching sound under your feet if it’s really cold outside. If it’s just a little bit cold, the snow is silent, but when the temperature gets nice and low, the snow starts scrunching underfoot.”
“I like that, Gabe, I really do. It’s cold and it’s cheerful all at the same time. I’m glad I kept you on here. You really are an ‘ideas’ man! Where should we put all this snow?”
“Hmmm – that’s a tough one Boss. Maybe we should put it in Canada. They’ll never catch on that we did it – they’ll think it’s because they’re near the top of the planet. And if they ever do catch on, they’re Canadians – they’ll never say a word!”
“Good idea. You go and get started on that right away. I want lots of snow all over that Canada place – and try to have it there by my son’s birthday. People will think those two things are connected, and my son will love it!”
“Okay, I think I can have it snowing down there by then, but I haven’t finished up that last assignment you gave me yet. Shouldn’t I get that one out of the way first?”
“Well, Gabe, I’m sure you can do it, after all how much effort could it take to make a few tiny viruses? They’re just little specs of DNA!”
“True enough, but if I hurry it too much, I could make a mistake…and there’s no telling what I might get. I want to make sure those anti-war viruses work properly. One little slip here or there and there’s no telling what the viruses might do…”
“Oh never mind tinkering with the damned viruses - just use what you've got now. I’m sure they’re good enough. The snow project sounds like so much more fun. And don’t forget - I’ve given you that December 25th deadline.”
“I won’t forget, Boss. It shall come to pass.”
“Good, Gabe, excellent! Now, have you had any thoughts on how to get that typhoon thing you made back into the jar?”
“What’s that? What’s too much?”
“Green – all that green – everything that isn’t blue is green. I think we could do better, Gabe.”
“Better? I’m not sure that I follow, Boss…”
“We need some kind of contrast – you know – add something else, something that will make the green special instead of just plain tedious.”
“I know – we could add snow!”
“Snow? What’s that?”
“It’s what you get when you freeze water.”
“Isn’t ice what you get when you freeze water?”
“Oh – that’s water on the ground, I’m taking about water in the sky.”
“I don’t remember putting any water in the sky, Gabe. Are you sure about this?”
“Pretty sure Boss – there’s little bits of water all over the sky, especially in those cloud things. I think we can make that water cold, and it will turn into flat particles – we can call them snowflakes.”
“Snowflakes. I like that. They won’t be blue will they?”
“No not green, we just decided we were sick of blue. What about yellow, Boss? We could make them yellow!”
“Nah, too dangerous Gabe. People might confuse it with other stuff. White! I think we should make them white!”
“Sounds nice."
"So we make this white snow stuff up here in the sky, and then what?”
“It falls down to earth. If we turn down the temperature, we can get the snow to pile up in a big thick blanket, and it will just stay there. We can do this during the winter, and then people will be able to tell when it’s winter, and when it’s summer. What do you think, Boss?”
“That’s brilliant Gabe! A winter and a summer – and both of them different – one white and the other green. I like it, I really like it! Will the snow have a nice smell to it?”
“That might be tricky, so I say, we forget about the smell. Maybe we could give it a sound instead.”
“You mean, like music or noise when it’s falling? Wouldn’t that get rather loud?”
“Yeah, you’re right – if each snowflake made a sound it could get out of hand. I know! What if it makes a scrunching sound when you walk on it on the ground? That would be cool!”
“Sort of, but that could get really loud if you had a crowd of people. You know how they are – always congregating in unholy throngs.”
“Okay, well, what about this - it only makes the scrunching sound under your feet if it’s really cold outside. If it’s just a little bit cold, the snow is silent, but when the temperature gets nice and low, the snow starts scrunching underfoot.”
“I like that, Gabe, I really do. It’s cold and it’s cheerful all at the same time. I’m glad I kept you on here. You really are an ‘ideas’ man! Where should we put all this snow?”
“Hmmm – that’s a tough one Boss. Maybe we should put it in Canada. They’ll never catch on that we did it – they’ll think it’s because they’re near the top of the planet. And if they ever do catch on, they’re Canadians – they’ll never say a word!”
“Good idea. You go and get started on that right away. I want lots of snow all over that Canada place – and try to have it there by my son’s birthday. People will think those two things are connected, and my son will love it!”
“Okay, I think I can have it snowing down there by then, but I haven’t finished up that last assignment you gave me yet. Shouldn’t I get that one out of the way first?”
“Well, Gabe, I’m sure you can do it, after all how much effort could it take to make a few tiny viruses? They’re just little specs of DNA!”
“True enough, but if I hurry it too much, I could make a mistake…and there’s no telling what I might get. I want to make sure those anti-war viruses work properly. One little slip here or there and there’s no telling what the viruses might do…”
“Oh never mind tinkering with the damned viruses - just use what you've got now. I’m sure they’re good enough. The snow project sounds like so much more fun. And don’t forget - I’ve given you that December 25th deadline.”
“I won’t forget, Boss. It shall come to pass.”
“Good, Gabe, excellent! Now, have you had any thoughts on how to get that typhoon thing you made back into the jar?”
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